Chuckles

It has been long in coming, but I have finally found something worth writing about that does not involve gripping about work.

I am not sure what is going on with the local population of offenders, but they have apparently all gathered together and decided to get arrested for as much as possible as of late. The past week has been spent either sitting in my Supervisors office writing warrants or in the local Jail serving them.

One particular incident involves an Offender that Casey once supervised. Casey even wrote a post about this offender, Chuckles, in Once you're hooked, you're hooked. I was approached several days ago about this case, by the now Supervising Agent and agreed to help take him back to Jail. I was then reminded of this promise when the fateful time came when Chuckles arrived today.

Chuckles went into the handcuffs easily enough and we went through the routine of searching and reading the violations without issue. It was not until we sat him in the car that he decided that he was done being good. Agent S was about to put the seat belt on Chuckles when he said, "You ain't puttin' no Seat belt on me." There was no argument from either Agent S or myself.

Agent S, who has more years in Law Enforcement than I have been on Earth, closed the door and told me to give him my gun. I begrudgingly did so and he told me that I would be riding in the back seat with Chuckles. I slid into the backseat and belted myself in before buckling Chuckles in. Chuckles promptly unbuckled himself and I promptly rebuckled him before the buckle left the catch fully (try saying that five times fast). Chuckles got the idea the seat belt was going to stay on for the duration of the trip.

However, a few minutes later, Chuckles decided to go into a tirade about the evils of the United States Criminal Justice System and the South Carolina System in particular. The tirade included all the usual material, The purpose of our Agency is only to milk money out of the unjustly convicted, how Criminals are allowed to roam the streets while he is arrested on money violations (despite the fact that warrant was two pages long for new convictions), etcetera, etcetera. Agent S and myself, being horribly sarcastic, nodded in all the right places and agreed at the end of every sentence.

Once at the Jail, Chuckles was fine all the way through the first door of the Sally port. However, as the door was beginning to close, Chuckles made a move toward the exit. Agent S grabbed a hold of his arms and turned him back in the direction we were supposed to go.

This set Chuckles off into a new tirade of the usual fighting mantra, "Don't touch me!" "Take these cuffs off and I'll kick your @#%" etcetera, etcetera. Still, Agent S and I did not say a word. Agent S escorted Chuckles to a holding cell that was unoccupied, while I opened the door. Chuckles went in, and the door was closed just as Chuckles turned and slammed himself into the now locked door. Chuckles then began yelling insults and curses culminating in kicking the Steel door 15 to 20 times as hard as he could.

While Agent S completed the booking paperwork, I went to the Booking Officers and advised that we had an offender that would likely fight once uncuffed. To be honest I have never seen these Officers work with such efficiency. Since, Chuckles was kicking the door hard enough to be heard throughout the entire building, they were already set to go.

As we were heading back to the holding cells I saw that chuckles was nose to glass at a local Police Officer who was standing by to help. This Police Officer, who had already placed his prisoner in Jail custody and was on his way out, stopped to give Chuckles a little wisdom, "You need to calm down or they're goin' to &^%# you up." Which of course sent Chuckles into another tirade.

I stopped in front of the cell door with the Police Officer, Agent S, and four large booking officers at my back. With Chuckles still yelling, I said calmly, "This is how this is gonna go." Chuckles ended his rant and listened for a change. "If you're calm and don't try to fight in any way, these gentlemen behind me are going to do the regular booking proceedure without any undue fuss. But, if you start fighting or cursing or are unruly in any way, this is goin' to go sideways for you in a hurry...Cool?"

Without a seconds pause he responded, "I'm not afraid of being $^%#ed up! And I don't appreciate this guy," pointing at the Police Officer, "saying that I should be!" I interrupted with, "Hey, that's not being cool and will send this thing sideways!"

Chuckles stopped and actually thought for a second or two before responding, "Okay, I'll be cool. I'm Cool." I then stepped out of the way as the Booking Officers opened the door. Chuckles stepped out and the Booking Officers escorted him the rest of the way into the Jail and booked in without further incident.

I figured at that point our adventures with Chuckles would be over for a while, but a couple of hours later, the Agent in charge of Chuckles came and got Agent S and I. The local Magistrate had apparently called to inform her of what happened at the bond hearing.

Even though we are on fairly good terms with most of the Local Magistrates, we hardly ever hear from them unless we do something wrong with the paperwork. This Magistrate, I will call Magistrate H, is in my opinion one of the best in this Jurisdiction. He is always calm, cool, collected, and best of all...Fair, with even the most hardened criminal. He does not take sides and always decides on a fair bond based on the violations, likely hood of fleeing from court, and danger to the community.

Anyway Magistrate H, called to advise that Chuckles had earned himself a temporary No Bond due to receiving a 15 day contempt of Court charge. Temporary, due to the fact that unlike most of the Magistrates that I know, who would leave it at No Bond and let a Circuit Court Judge hash out bond reduction in a month or two. Magistrate H, wanted to revisit the Bond issue after Chuckles has had 15 days to cool off.

So, I guess I will be revisiting this issue in 15 days or so. Hopefully this will the maximum limit of excitement for while.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

Different Level of Eww

Apparently I am in the mood for remakes. So, I cry pardon for the slightly skewed content.

The past few months have been trying. Most days I come home and just about crawl right into bed. With that comes flashbacks of when I quit previous jobs. Most notably when I quit my position as Deputy Sheriff.

I have been trying to avoid blogging with a whining undertone, but I find it impossible to avoid any longer.

Caseloads are rising to impossible levels. Days are spent either typing warrants, serving warrants, fighting with Supervisors as why a warrant has to be issued, or taking 70 - 80 reports on any given report day.

The silver lining is that our agency managed to scrap together enough money to hire a replacement for the 20 plus people that have left since I have been at this office. That is correct they hired one person. A person that will have to complete the Criminal Justice Academy before they are ready to take on a caseload. Our Agency track record within the CJA is not exactly stellar and we do not hold much hope for the new hire.

Most of the Women that are stationed in Cubicles around the New Hire give the cold shoulder. A defence mechanism derived from years of disappointment. Everyone wants to welcome the New Hire in, but we all know that it is a 50/50 shot that they will make it back from the Academy. If they do, Hazzah, everyone rejoices. If they do not, they are sent west to look for other employment.

Meanwhile, the office scuttlebutt is in full swing. Every thing is talked about, from the State wide possibilities that our Agency might be forced into the same money grubbing sink hole that is the South Carolina Department of Corrections, to lay offs, to furloughs. Then there are the Office wide possibilities of pooling caseloads. Casey, you got out just in time.

At the moment these are only rumors. If they become more, I will discuss them in further detail.

With so much going on it was interesting that Work Mom chose now to bring up the subject of my love life. In an office dominated by Women it is hard to avoid the Subject. Most of the Women in my office, I would imagine, either view me as a Son or Brother. Most notably Work Mom, hence the name. I have known for some time that these particular Women had taken it upon themselves to find me that perfect woman.

Work Mom has always toyed with the idea of me hooking up with her younger Sister, who apparently has taken a similar interest in not dating. I am not entirely sure why Work Mom has this fascination, since I have always managed to get under her skin in one way or another. But, obviously this a top level requirement in a Brother-in-Law.

She even managed to get us to meet. Having her sister drop her off at the office for the Sex Offender checks Halloween night. It was a brief conversation of, "Hi, Nice to meet you, heard a lot about you, I'm going to go ruin a Pedophile's night now, bye." Obviously that made quite the impression.

A month later and another Holiday behind us, Work Mom comes to my desk with a sticky note. This sticky note has a name and phone number on it. That of her Sister. She hands me the note and says, "I think my sister would like for you to give her a call sometime." The only thought to come to my mind is a question, "You think or she said?" She rolled her eyes and replied, "She said." Before I could reply she was called away.

Now, here is where my mind went somewhere it should not have. Considering the fact that I view this lady as my Work Mom and she basically told me to go on a date with her Sister...do I really have to spell it out. Oedipus Rex it is not (Praise God, finding the Acid for an Acid bath these days is hard), but why my mind would go there is a little disturbing. It probably went into that gutter as some measure of stress relief, but how that is possible by causing more stress is beyond me.

At this point I am weighing my options (procrastination by any other name), but more information is needed. But, again as things develop you all will be among those to know.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

Invasion

Anyone who has read this blog about a year ago has seen this issue come up before. The issue, Creepy Crawlies and Female Agents who do not like them.

As of late our Government building has been inundated with a not so small arthropod called the millipede. Given the alternative I would rather have the millipede than his not so friendly cousin the centipede. Since, centipedes are carnivorous and (depending on the species) can have a nasty bite. The millipede on the other hand is herbivorous and would like nothing more than to be left alone.

So far this week, I know I have come running to the sound of shrieks, squeals, and the caterwaul of my name, at least two to three times a day, because of this "bug".

At first I thought it was funny and tried to simple explain that it is not dangerous or gross unless you scare them (some species have a...smelly defense), therefore unnecessary to squeal or scream. This done while wrangling the little fellow into an empty trash can and whisking him away to the outside world.

However, I soon realized that the speeches were not doing any good, when I found one of the Female Agents in question, crouching in her $300 office chair. The offending millipede was taken out on one of the files that the Female Agent had thrown at him.

In another instance, I was taking reports when I heard my named bellowed by Agent M (who never bellows). I ran out of the reporting area to where she was and for my trouble was met with laughter. "Wow, I didn't expect you to come running" was her explanation. I then asked what the issue was and she pointed at the wall behind me. At first I did not see anything until a speck moved.

It was in fact a 1/4 inch cockroach. I grabbed a nearby magazine and smote it. I apparently hit the little guy with more force than I needed to, since his insides (and the ink from the cover of the magazine) are now permanently emblazoned on the wall. A few seconds later Casey came rushing around the corner, having mistaken the loud Whap for something more sinister.

Finally, there was also another incident involving George the cockroach. Unfortunately, for George I was out on Home Visits with Casey at the time. According to Work Mom (and everyone else in the reporting area) she was taking a report, when out of nowhere George appears on her desk. Work Mom (and the offender) freaked out and began screaming.

Agent W, who has a clear line of sight from her report day cube to that of Work Mom, rushed over and saw George and also freaked. However, Agent W is not exactly like the other women in the office. While the other women were freaking out, Agent W went and got a broom several rooms away and went back.

The ensuing battle was apparently epic, resulting in a victorious Agent W, a destroyed broom, and the death of George. Agent W later told me after everyone left, "I broke the F%&#er in six pieces and he was still crawin' away! But, I got'em!" I then recounted my previous experience with George and she said, "Well F%&#! If you had takin' care of business then, we wouldn't have had to deal this S%&# today! What the F%&# is the matter with you?!" She then stomped away.

Moving from work to home, my attic has apparently been invaded by an unknown rodent. Having been woken last night to a scratching noise that I later found to be coming from the attic door in the ceiling. Having just finished watching Signs by M. Night Shyamalan a few hours earlier and being half asleep, I was not taking any chances. I grabbed my Glock and sprang from my bed. It was easy to find where the noise was coming from since the house cats were all in the hallway staring intently at the attic door.

After clearing the rest of the house (keeping an eye on the attic door) I cleared the attic. However, there is so much stuff up there, that a family of raccoons could be up there and I would not know it. I guess I will have to procure and or build some traps to capture these interlopers.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

Coming to a middle

I cry your pardon for this taking so long, however, I have been attempting to finish "The Wedding" post. It for some reason has become a saga that I cannot finish. At this point it will just have to wait until a later time.

There is much to post about. Since June 15th I have done much. Since my last post I have become one of the hundreds of thousands of people to learn how to breath underwater. Unfortunately or fortunately (however you may want to view it) I was not a part of a Mad Scientists experiment to give humans gills. I took several classes and became certified as a Open Water Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus (SCUBA) Diver.

Just for the record, I have always loved the water. I cannot remember a Summer (and sometimes a winter) when I have not gone swimming. I am no Olympic Swimmer by any stretch of the imagination, but I am more than just comfortable in the water. So, SCUBA was not that far of a stretch for me. I have always wanted to do it and it only took a slight nudge in the right direction for it to become a reality.

If some of you will recall there was another Wedding post last year were my Step-sister got hitched. During her honeymoon, her husband went SCUBA diving. Only a couple of dives but enough to get hooked on it. Upon their return, he started recalling the experience and said that he would like to get certified. However, he did not want to do so alone. Not even a heartbeats wait and I told him that I would more than happy to go with him. And that is how the journey began.

So, far I only have 8 dives outside the training dives, but, they were awesome. Nothing more than a few hours in a local lake, with a visibility of a little over 8 feet (for South Carolina anything over your hand in front of your face is epic), a few trout, a snapping turtle, a forest, and a sunken boat. But it was enough to get me hooked. And I would suggest it to anyone.

I also went on my first date. I will wait a minute and let that sink in.......You heard true, my first date. It was nothing spectacular or anything, but I learned (again) that woman will not rip your heart out and eat it if you ask them out. And every once in a while, they say yes. Also, for the record there was no second date. There was a mutual agreement of zero chemistry.

And now to the point of this post. We went to trial today. When I say we, I mean the woman that caused the wreck and the Ladies (Officer M, Agent L, and Agent S). I was not subpoenaed as a witness or anything, I was just there for moral support.

A couple of months after the wreck, they received notification that the case was going to a Jury Trial. A month or two ago the case was supposed to be heard, but the defence attorney conveniently had a General Sessions case that took precedence over this meager Magistrate level case.

Today it went forward. It was interesting to watch such a simple case get muddied with emotions (mine included). It was also interesting to see the difference between Law Enforcement in court and the average Joe in court.

The Trial started at 1600 hrs sharp. However, the Ladies (and families), Marshall #2, and myself were there well ahead of time, and dressed for court (suits and nooses for the men and conservative dresses for the Ladies). The defendant, her family, and her "witness" arrived about 5 minutes early. The defendant was the only one dressed for court. The rest of her entourage arrived in street clothes.

After the ladies had their necessary pretrial talk with the Assistant Solicitor (Assistant District Attorney for you all not in South Carolina), we were all asked to find a seat in the Court Room. Again, as stated earlier the jury trail began at 1600 hrs sharp.

Opening arguments were uninteresting compared to those that are generally heard during a General Sessions hearing, but both Attorneys got their point across. The first witness called was the Investigating Highway Patrolman. He looked about Twelve, but spoke with the authority and knowledge of any experienced Law Officer. He laid out the facts in a simple and plain manor. Considering those involved, i.e. Officers, I found the investigation...lacking (Not because they are my friends, but because of all the civil issues that could arise from such a collision), but not to the fault of the Patrolman.

Evidently, his Superiors made a judgement call as to whether or not to bring out all the fancy CSI gear that everyone was so expecting. Upon hearing that the only charges were going to be "Failure to Yield Right of Way" with no fatalities involved, the Superior advised that the given statements (from those involved and witnesses) would be enough to make the charge.

Upon hearing this, the Defense jumped all over the Patrolman, trying to get him to admit that the investigation was done improperly. Bait attempt after bait attempt failed to the point of actually helping the State.

After the Patrolman my friends were paraded up onto the stand and all spoke of what they saw that day. The Defence did not cross examine any of the Ladies, I do not know why exactly. Perhaps it was because he knew that any attempt to trip them up would fail horribly, due to past experience or out of respect for what they went through. But, I was impressed that he did not question them.

With the State resting, the true Circus began. If I had not been there I would not believe that what I saw happened, but it did.

The first witness for the Defense was the Son of the Defendant. His only purpose was to enter evidence, multiple pictures of the car that the Defendant was driving and a printed map of the intersection from Google Maps with street view. The State objected, mostly at the adamant behest of the Ladies. The grounds...the State did not provide any pictures during their case. I will not go into why this is just stupid, only that half an hour passed before the objection was overruled. And know that most of the argument from the State was from the Ladies, not from the Solicitor. Half the time the Judge was practically begging the Solicitor to give him a sound argument. But none came and the pictures were allowed.

The next witness was called and he told what he saw. He was on a side street looking the intersection and red light, saw the Defendant pull out cautiously to turn, tires squealed, and cars collided. Simple right...wrong. By the time the Solicitor got done cross-examining him, he did not know up from down, and they were simple clarification questions using the very map the Defense provided.

Here I really must credit the Judge for his patience, because at this point everyone in the audience (myself included) was trying to correct this "witness", and not quietly. In any other courtroom, every single one of us would have been held in contempt and bared from the court...forever. This Judge only looked at us and we became quiet.

Next, was the Defendant, whose testimony was straight forward, "I had the arrow." She did not move on that statement.

Then there was the closing arguments, more objections from both sides during both arguments, before the Jury was charged with what they were to find and they were sent to deliberate. After what felt like an hour or more the Jury came back with a Guilty verdict. The sentence for all the heartache and trouble caused by such an emotionally charged trial...$155 fine.

Not unexpected, it was only a Failure to Yield Right of Way charge and the Judge took into consideration the fact that the Defendant had a squeaky clean driving record (maximum fine is $250 something I believe). Court was then adjourned.

We walked slowly to our vehicles. The Ladies were emotionally drained. Little was spoken. What conversation there was, centered around our actions in court. We all know better than to speak out in court, but for a group of people not used to giving up control it was understandable...not justifiable by any means.

The Ladies thanked me for being there. Before we went our seperate ways, I made the statement that I was glad that it was finally over and done. Agent L reminded me that this was only the middle for her. That many years still lay ahead in her road to recovery and mayhap a civil suit or two.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

A Year

Hard to believe I know, but one year ago, I began Chronicling my "adventures". A lot has changed in the past year, but mostly, things have just stayed the same. As they always seem to do.

After 35 posts and a lot of heart felt words put in an open forum for all to see, not much has changed. Sure, I am a little heavier, a little more scarred (both mentally and physically), and hopefully a little wiser.

10 things that I have learned in the past year:

1) Always wear a seat belt. Seat belts saved the lives of 4 of my colleagues. Before the wreck, if I was in a Crown Victoria or on a warrant team, it would be a rare occasion that I would actually wear this important piece of safety equipment. Due to the fact that it hampered my ability to "jump out". Now, I realize that getting to the location is half the battle.

2) Judges are not as scary as I once thought. Just because they hold sway over the lives of a lot of people. Does not mean they are out to get me. There are a lot of other things to be concerned with.

3) Friends are hard to come by. As Agent L learned the hard way, just because people work with you does not mean they are your friends. People who say they will go to the ends of the Earth for you during the good times, often find better things to do when you actually need their help. Even if all that is, is an encouraging word or a visit when one is lonely.

4) Do not waist a chance to get out of Dodge. Some opportunities only come around once in a life time. Just because things might get better, does not mean that they will, and does not mean that you should stick around just to see what happens. If the chance for something better comes a long, take it. You might not get another chance.

5) Women...despite the fact that I work closely with a multitude of Women (and have done so for most of my working life) I still know more about Particle Physics and what happens to stuff that gets sucked into a Black Hole, than I know about Women. Despite this, they are not as scary as I thought. Just like with Judges, what is the worst that can happen.

6) Always assume the dog has more chain. I believe this is self explanatory.

7) If I find myself in a position where a part of my body is involuntarily in the mouth of an unfamiliar Animal, hence forth, said Animal shall be rendered harmless by any means necessary. Questions, will be reserved for a later time.

8) Rabies and Rabies shots. Thankfully, I already knew a lot about the Rabies Virus. This is mostly due to a research project in College. However, I learned that the Rabies shots are not as bad as they used to be. They are by no means a picnic, especially for somone who does not like the sharp pointy things. Also, if you are in South Carolina, and in need of the first set of shots in a hurry, call your local Emergency Rooms. They are the most likely to have a stock of the First Series of shots on hand. Anyone else, including DHEC, will have to order them.

9) Do not trust a Government Agency to have your best interests in mind. Unless you watch them closely they will try and do as little as possible. You would think that I would know this, having worked in the Executive Branch most of my life. But, I am told that I can be quite stubborn.

10) God is good..all the time.

Agent L is still going through a rough time, a year after the accident and they are just now starting to work on her teeth. She will have months of Orthodontics, before they start working on the rest her.

Agent S is two weeks away from returning to work after having a healthy baby boy. However, her recovery had to be halted due to her pregnancy, and should resume if it has not already.

I am back to full duty. Extraditions from Maximum Security Institutions are already in the works. I receive my final Rabies vaccination this Friday and the real battle begins.

I pray that I am here next year and still typing on this blog, and I pray that more progress has been made.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

A Wedding Tale: Reaction

After nineteen minutes of driving, I arrived at the church. Of course the Rehearsal was already over, but the Rehearsal dinner was still going on. I attempted to slip in quietly. However, my best friend, the Groom, is not one to let that happen.

As soon as he saw me coming through the door, he started barking and howling, and every other male there followed suit. After making my bows, the Groom came up to greet me. "How's my Best Man feeling? I hear those shots are rough." He said as he slaped my left shoulder, finding the exact spot where the RIG was injected. I grimaced and tried to reply, "Not much pain, unless you slap my shoulders and hips. Other than the sudden craving for some raw meat, I'm good." "Glad to hear it. The Maid of Honor looked rather lonely walking herself down the Isle." He said as his soon to be Wife found her way to me. "Here," she said as she handed me her Wedding band. "Do Not loose this." I held out my hand and said, "I shall protect it until my dying breath." And before I knew it she had wrapped her arms around my neck in a hug, "I'm glad you're okay."

After she finished hugging me and I thwarted an attempt from the Groom at poking the RIG injection site (which would continue through out the night), I said, "Now, where's this lonely Maid of Honor I've heard so much about?" I was quickly ushered to a young and attractive lady who shook my hand, "You are okay to walk me down the Isle tomorrow, right?" I replied, "I believe I can manage to walk a beautiful lady down the Isle." "Good. But if you try to bite me I'll have to put you down." "You promise?" "Promise."

More introductions were made. Eventually I was allowed time to eat and tell everyone what happened. Once I was finished we had to clean up and make sure the room was as it was before everyone arrived.

While I was putting up chairs, I noticed that my left eye was starting to itch, a lot. At first I just dismissed it as something in my eye. But, before we finished putting the tables and chairs up, I could tell that my eye was starting to swell. It quickly swelled to the usual level.

Unfortunately, once all the tables and chairs were put away, we had to go set up the area where the reception would be. More unfortunate still, I was assigned to help the Maid of Honor. About half way through she finally asked, "So...what's the matter with your eye?" "Oh that? I'm just trying to imitate Will Smith in Hitch." She only shook her head and kept going.

Once we finished the Groom and the rest of the Groomsmen came over to find out what we were going to do for the rest of the evening. While the Maid of Honor went back to the female flock on the other side of the reception hall. Once the Groom saw my eye he shouted, "Jesus! What is that?!" I heard the Bride ask, "What!? What is it?" He quickly recovered and shouted back, "Nothing Honey. Nothing to worry about." The said to me, "Dude, what's wrong with your eye?" I told him that it had to be an allergic reaction to the shots. "We can't let her see you like that. We have to fix it...and in less than sixteen hours." One of the Groomsmen said, "All he needs is some Benadryl. It'll be down before tomorrow morning." "Great, we need to get it now. Honey, we're gone."

After they got finished saying their goodbyes we were off to find the nearest Grocery Store. Once there I found the Benadryl Liquigels and went ahead and took four. Of course when we got to the register the Cashier pointed out that the box was open. When I did not respond he looked up at me and saw my eye. "Ah...I guess you opened it then." I shook my head and paid. Over the course of the night my eye eventually returned to an almost normal size.

I am not sure if it was luck or divine intervention that I stayed awake longer than the Groom after taking four pills. Of course it could have been the non stop caffeine intake at the pool hall. Just so you all know my job since the start of the dinner was to make sure that the Groom did not get too drunk, the other Groomsmen as well. So, it was not just that I needed to stay awake, my survival depended on it. If I fell asleep on the job and they got plastered, I am fairly certain that the Bride would have put me down herself. She is half my size and weight, but when she says something, she means business. So, the limit on beers from the start was two.

She also said that I was to make sure that we all went to sleep at a reasonable hour. She should have told us to go to bed early. With us not having to wake up until around 0900 hrs, I took a reasonable hours as somewhere around 0300 hrs.

So, at 0200 hrs I told everyone to head home and to get some much needed sleep. The Groom slept at my place due to the fact that he now lives in a different county.

At this point I was just thankful to be going to sleep after a stupidly long day and another one to come.

To Be Continued.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

A Wedding Tale

Okay, it has been 30 days since the incident and a lot has happened in that time period. As you all know 30 days ago I was bitten by a one to two year old Pitt Bull. Well at the time of the incident, I was told by Animal Control that the Animal in question would be quarantined for 10 days. Silly me believed that since Animal Control placed the quarantine, that they would be the ones that checked the animal to make sure that it did not have Rabies. No one ever stated any different.

Anyway, weeks go by and I see the Animal Control officer often in the mornings at the canteen. He never mentioned anything about the animal having Rabies, so I believed everything was fine. Then I asked him how the hearing went and he simply stated that the owner paid the $185 fine for not having the vaccination tags on the animal. He further stated that she said at the hearing that she did not believe that the animal needed the Rabies vaccine until it became a year old.

So, now I start getting that weird feeling down in my gut and asked if the animal showed any signs of Rabies after the quarantine. He said, "Oh, we don't check the animal. We just place them in quarantine and DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control)actually does the check." I then told him that I never heard anything from DHEC and wanted their number to contact them. He obliged.

Once back in the office I call the number that the officer gave me and get a Voice mail for Rabies Control Center for this jurisdiction. I left my contact information and why I was calling as per the instructions. I then called my Claim Representative to see what my options were to get the Rabies Vaccine and found that she would be out of the office until the 10th. I asked to speak with another Representative and was transferred to the first Representative available. We will call her Susan.

I spoke with Susan for several minutes about what we needed to do and she seemed very eager to help me with my problem. Also, a new thing that I was not used to, she wanted the contact information for DHEC. She though they would be a little more forthcoming with the information we needed if we both called. Well after several phone calls and still no answer at the DHEC RCC, I called Susan back and asked her if she had heard anything. She told me that she had no luck with DHEC and called Animal Control to see if there was a different number or any other way to contact them. That was a dead end. At that point it was the end of the day and I went home.

Early the next morning I got a phone call from "Bob" at DHEC RCC. Bob and I spoke for about 20 minutes. The gist of the conversation was that DHEC had no record of the incident and started off by saying that the animal would have to quarantined and we would wait 10 days and check the animal. I told him that it was a little late for that because it has been 28 days since the incident. I told him that I would just go and do their check for them and see if the animal was still there. If he was, there was no threat of Rabies, if he is not there then we have issues. I then asked why there was no record of the bite when Animal control and the ER had to turn in the reports. He said that he did not know the answer to that and would have to get back to me after I did the check.

Once I got off the phone I informed my Supervisor of what was going on and was told to take "Work mom" and Agent A along for the check. I drove to the location of the Incident and soon as I got there, I noticed that the Animal that bit me was not there. This time I stayed with the car and blew the Air Horn until I got a response from the house. In the mean time Agent A pointed out that all the Animals are now on chains and that one of them is foaming at the mouth. I took a look see and noted that it was the little six month old that A) tried to eat my leg, and B) was so ecstatic about company that it tried to jump through the fence.

This little puppy was laying in the grass and would only raise her head enough to wipe the foam from her mouth. Every other dog in the yard was going nuts, barking, running back and forth on their chains, but not this girl. Agent A and Work Mom did their best to get the puppy to at least get up, but could get nothing more than a disoriented glance between wipes.

We immediately called Animal Control and informed them of what was going on and they told us that they would be out there in one to two hours. Mean while the owner came out (in her pajamas again) and promptly asked what I was doing there. That she paid her ticket and the case was done. I advised her that I was out doing the check that DHEC should have done and asked where the animal that bit me was. She promptly pointed at the puppy that was foaming at the mouth, "That's her right there." I called her out on her lie and asked her again where the animal was that bit me, this time describing the animal. She told me that I was mistaken that she had never had such a pit bull and that the only animal that bit me was the one she had already pointed out.

I then asked her what was wrong with the puppy and she said, "Nothings wrong with her. She has allergies. She gets them every year." I said, "Really, and how many years has she seen?" "She's just shy of a year." Then Work Mom pipes in, "Then how the F*&% do you know if it seasonal allergies?! Lady you need to cut the Bull S%&# and tell us what happened to the other dog. Cause if that dog had Rabies then this man needs to get the medicine!" "Lady, if I were him and some strange dog bit me, I would have already gotten the medicine instead of waiting this long."

"Okay," I said, "I don't have time for this. Animal Control is coming out here to take a look at that puppy that obviously has Rabies. I suggest you come up with a better story than Allergies before they get here."

We then left and headed back to the office, where I updated DHEC (well left another message on their machine) and Susan. Susan said that she would get the paperwork started to get the Rabies series done before the close of business. Half an hour later I got a call from Bob at DHEC and relayed what happened. He advised that even though all that was going on, that I had a very low probability of actually having Rabies. But, seeings how we cannot prove one way or the other that the Animal that bit me had Rabies, and the one that she claims bit me now has Rabies, it was best that I go ahead and get the shots.

I then asked Bob what happened to the original report and he said that they ripped that office apart looking for that report, but did not find it. He said that they never received it. That Animal control nor the ER sent the report, and must have thought that that the other sent it. He said that that tends to happen, but if they do not get the report that there is nothing that they can do. Other than remind those agencies, again, that they have to send the reports reguardless of what they believe the other agency is doing.

So, to hurry this story along, while Susan was working through the Red tape of making sure that I did not end up with a $7,000 bill for these shots. I spent my work day trying to find a hospital or doctor office that kept the first series of shots in stock. In the end, only one hospital within my jurisdiction keeps the first series of shots in stock. Apparently, the shots are so expensive and rarely used now that they have to be ordered. Even DHEC RCC does not keep them in stock. Besides, there is usually no Emergency rush to have it now. So, in order to get the shots, I would have to go through the ER, again.

I went to the ER, this time the ER that was not my first choice, and spoke with a security guard who was manning the metal detector (a security measure that I was not expecting). I pulled out my ID and badge and told him I have weapons on me. Yes, plural. Since my supervisor took my service weapon due to me being on light duty, I carry my concealable weapons. He told me to leave all weapons in my vehicle since I was being admitted.

I was surprised at the fact that I barely got through the Triage before they pulled me back. The nice Nurse put me in a 6 by 8 room with no bed. At first she seemed confused as to why no one was in the room and triple checked the fact that no one was supposed to be there. Once she got it straightened out that the room had been reserved for me, she tried to usher me in. But before I stepped in I asked innocently, "But, what happened to other guy that was in here?" She caught my drift and replied, "I don't know. I think he got eaten by the walls or something." That got a nice laugh out of everyone.

Since the Triage Nurse said (over the phone and during Triage) that I would get the shots sometime within the next 8 hours, I pulled out my IPod and kicked back as best I could. I also sent my friend a text telling him that I was going to be late to the wedding rehearsal. While I waited, every 5 to 10 minutes a nurse would come by and make sure I was still in there.

Eventually I spoke with the ER Doctor, who had an attitude about him that I was wasting his time, money, and valuable resources. He explained to me that Rabies travels up the nerves at a rate of 1 inch per day. Since it has been 30 days and there is not 30 inches between the bite and my brain that I could not have Rabies. Even if I did have Rabies and some how by some miracle it had not made it to my brain yet, that taking the series now would not do any good. And that he had never given the Rabies series "just because someone wanted it".

I informed him of the circumstances, and that I did not want to be there any more than he wanted me there, because I hate needles and I had a Wedding rehearsal to be at. But, depending on how much of the virus I might have received and the strength of the virus, it can take up to 2 years to reach the Brain. I got an angry look for that comment. Besides all that, Workman Comp, my Supervisors, the liaison for Workman Comp, and DHEC all told me to get the shots. At that the Doctor started walking out of the room and said, "Well, I'm only an ER Doctor. If DHEC is telling you get it then, you'll get it."

An hour later a Nurse comes in with a handful syringes and says, "Okay, after this, me and you aren't going to be friends." "Wow," I said, "that's a lot on needles." Out in the hall I heard the Doctor say, "That's what he wanted." before the door shut. In the next 5 minutes I received 7 shots, none in the abdomen. The first was the Rabies Immune Globulin. The most expensive of the bunch in the left shoulder. Usually it is administered at the bite site, but since it has been a month the Doctor advised to give it in the shoulder. I guess I should be thankful that he did not want to try and administer it right to my brain. Anyway, the other shots went into my other arm and hips.

Once the Nurse was done, she had me wait to make sure there was no serious reaction to the meds. After the wait, she gave me some Advil and three year old Graham Crackers (I just found it odd that they would have that much of a back stock).

When the paperwork was printed up, the Nurse told me where I would be going for the next series of shots and pointed me to the exit. I promptly got lost in the maze and found myself in a Hispanic waiting area. They all noticed the confused look and pointed me to the nearest exit. It was not the exit that I was looking for, but I knew where I was. When I got back to my car I strapped my guns back on under the watchful glare of an unarmed security guard at the end of the row of cars.

Seconds later I was off to the Wedding rehearsal that I was an hour late to.

To be continued...

Semper Fi Deus

Goose