Every once in a while...

Every once in a long while this lonely Gunslinger gets good tidings that all the hours spent in the Office (or out of the office as the case may be) are well spent. This week, I received two tidings of a job well done.

Bit of good job news #1. Two weeks ago I was asked to conduct a home visit by the Senior Agent on my team (aka Work Mom, story for another day). She told me that one of her offenders was being investigated by Child Protective Services (a branch of the Department of Social Services). She left out the part about why they were investigating, only stated that when the CPS caseworker went to the Offenders house the door was slammed in her face. The caseworker, knowing that the Offender is on probation, called us for help getting into the house. She stressed that it was strictly observe and report, get in, see what (who) is there and get out of Dodge.

I get the address and the information of the offender and head out. Upon arrival in the neighborhood I spot the obligatory harrier holding down the street corner texting his friends that the Police have arrived. I pull in front of the house and note that it looks a little more run down that some of the other houses. I perform the standard Police knock and within seconds the door opens. As the woman steps out onto the front porch (closing the door behind her) I give her the spiel of who I am, who I work for, and why I was there (Home visit on Offender So and So, not O and R mission for DSS).

She proceeded to give me story about the fact that the Subject in question was not at home and that he was doing some medical errands. I then asked if she resided at the house and she told me that she was only babysitting for the Offender. At this point I move to the matter at hand and start throwing my legal weight around. I tell her that as a part of my duties I have to check the premises for contraband, guns, drugs, meth labs...nuclear devices. She then told me that she did not feel comfortable letting me into the house. Really...badge, gun, handcuffs, big toothy grin that makes the lady folk swoon, Crown Victoria in the background, what is there not to feel comfortable about.

I eventually gain entry via another person in the home familiar with the rules of Probation and Home visits in general. During my walk through of the home I noted several things that, had my task oriented mind set not been solely focused on Observe and Report, would have warranted an immediate call to DSS. The list being, complete lack of food for the multiple Adults in the home and the three children, lack of proper bedding for the children, what I believe to be dog urine covering the kitchen floor, Drug paraphernalia in a bed room, and a floor heating vent with out a cover not five feet where a 1 1/2 year old had been bedded down in the floor and left unattended.

The floor vent cover issue was dealt with right then and there due to the safety of the children being at risk. The Drug Paraphernalia (being a 2 3/4 inch pipe of black and chrome color commonly used in the smoking of Marijuana) was left alone as a matter of Probation and Parole policy (and being out numbered).

When I left the home I went back to the office and reported what I observed. Work Mom then reported this to the caseworker for CPS and the next day I was asked to write a letter of everything that I observed. Just in case anyone missed it, I tend to be long winded in my writing (which is a complete contradiction to when I speak). The letter/affidavit was 2 pages long encompassing everything that I did, said, and saw. When I turned in the letter/affidavit to Work Mom, she proclaimed, "What the H#*& is this! All you needed to put was what you saw. Not everything you did from the second you left the Office! Jesus...did you mention how many breaths you took while you were there?!" "You wanted what I saw. That's what I saw and the context of what I saw." "Yeah...context. Did you proofread it?" "No, I just spell checked it and hoped the defense attorneys wouldn't notice (sarcasm)." The conversation went down hill from there. Eventually she got around to sending the letter/affidavit to the caseworker.

Moving forward to yesterday. I learned from Casey that the letter/affidavit was put to good use. The day after the caseworker got it, she went to the house with several Deputies and attempted to place the children in Emergency Protective Custody (EPC). However, by that time the Offender and his family had moved to a location unknown. But, they did show up to a family court hearing with the children. The caseworker was waiting and the children where promptly taken. I am not sure how well the state takes care of EPC children, but I am certain that they are in better care than the parents were giving them. They also might have a chance to not be career criminals.

Bit of good job news #2 is more my faith in the Judicial system is restored. Today I went to court. If you have kept up, you know that this is the worst part of the job for me. However, today was okay. We had a new General Sessions Judge, at least he was new to the Probation revocation aspect of General Sessions. His motto for the day, "Probation was your 2nd chance, you don't get a 3rd." He may have been slower than the usual Judges and a little more thorough, but of the sixty plus offenders that went before him, only a handful walked out of the courtroom without the aid of the Deputies. A few of those that walked out were due to the fact that they wanted a Defense Attorney and did not have one, so, he allowed them the chance to get council. The others, the Probation Agents (including myself) had to beg the Judge not to make them guests of the South Carolina Department of Corrections.

As an example, one of my cases was a warrant for purely money violation (failing to pay accounts balances before probation case ended). The Defense Attorney and I had to convince the Judge not to send the Offender to prison for 4 years due to the fact that he had paid all the money since the warrant was served.

It was an interesting feeling not having to fight hammer and tongs to send someone to SCDC for a year, when they are on Probation for 9th time for Assault and Battery and committed numerous other assaultive offenses while on Probation. Too bad this Judge was just here temporarily and will not be back until sometime next year. But, at least we know at least one Judge cares about Offenders keeping their end of the bargain.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose

The Problem with Creepy Crawlies in the work place

To be clear I do not have a problem with insects, arachnids, lizards, snakes, or other Creepy Crawlies in general...as long as the spiders in the arachnid section stay out of my personal space.

With the onset of fall and colder weather the above creatures tend to move into the man made buildings. Most common in my home at the moment are the Carolina Scorpion and the "Harvestman". The Scorpion is usually about one inch long to about an inch and a half. The "Harvestman" other wise known as the "Daddy Long Legs" or as I call them the "Granddaddy Long Legs". If you do not know what this is, it is an arachnid (not a spider, because it does not have any fangs or venom glands) are basically a football with long spindly legs protruding from them, shrunk down to 1/4 inch body size.

At the office there is a plethora of insects, arachnids, and other Creepy Crawlies that make their home where I work. This becomes problematic with most of the female Agents, who in general HATE anything Creepy or Crawly. This does include some male Agents at the office as well.

With our office being in a Government facility, they generally do not fumigate for insects (etc.) unless someone of high importance is making a visit. So, the Creepy Crawlies generally have the run of the facility.

Most of the Creepy Crawlies have learned to stay hidden when the lights are on. However, every once in a while a spider, centipede, or what-have-you will be so overwhelmed with sex drive that he has to venture out to find a mate. Usually finding one of the female Agents. When this happens there is usually all kinds of excitement and high pitched screams of alarm. Everyone in the office comes to see what all the excitement is about and the offending creature is exterminated with extreme prejudice.

At least that is how it usually works. The exception to this was Halloween night after finishing the Sex Offender Checks. I was walking out through the back lobby and happened to see a large (2-3 inch long) Cockroach scurry across my path and stop right in front of me. He lifted up his head and his antenna twitched, as if to say, "Howdy". Knowing that this particular insect would cause havoc with some of our female Agents, I decided to put him out of our misery. I proceeded to take my size 11 hard sole boot and stomped on the Cockroach as hard and fast as was possible. There was a satisfying crunch, but a disheartening lack of squish. When I lifted my boot, the Cockroach pushed himself off the floor, shook himself, and fluttered his wings. He then looked back up at me flicked his right antenna upwards and scurried off.

Okay, I exaggerated the antennae flicking. But, he did move about his important business without so much as a look back. I have since named him "George" and I am certain that we will meet again.

Another such instance was today. Agent M, Casey, and myself were out in the Reporting area of the office. I was preparing to take over the reports for Agent M. This was her full day of reports and she can still only work half a day.

As of late I have had to Bird-dog her on this, due to the fact that she will stay longer than she is supposed to and ends up pushing herself to the breaking point.

So, while I was waiting for her to finish with one of her Offenders. I decided to wait in the cubicle adjacent to her cube and across from Casey. About a minute into the report I hear an odd banging sound that I recognize as a computer mouse being slammed on the desk. A common occurrence with our frustratingly slow computers. Then a slam/stomp sounds started accompanying the banging. This is not a recognized noise and was therefore classified as not good. The sounds began to intensify at a startling rate and Casey and I both reacted.

We sprung from our rolling computer chairs, hands reacting with muscle memory. Before I had gotten out of my Cubicle, my weapon was already half out of the holster. We were inches from barreling around the corner into the Cubicle that Agent M was in, when we hear, "Eeeek! Bug!!" Like an all clear signal, Casey and I slow our pace and reholster our weapons before we round the corner of the cubicle.

When we get into the cubicle the Offender is dying of laughter as Agent M begins to throw pens and papers at the wall closest to her. Casey and I look on as the "Bug" moves under the desk and apparently stops. Agent M turned to us and stated nonchalantly, "There's a bug under my desk." To which Casey replied, "Yeah, we gathered that." He then began to relay the tale of our attempted heroism, the fact that the still chuckling offender was almost thrown to the ground and handcuffed at gun point over a Bug.

At that the Offender stopped laughing.

Agent M finished the report under our watchful gaze to make sure that the offending bug did not return for a second assault. Once the Offender was out of the Reporting area, Casey went back to his desk to finish what he was working on, while I stayed to help Agent M find and exterminate the bug. After a few seconds Agent M located the bug (a common house centipede)between the desk and the wall.

After several unsuccessful assassination attempts, Agent M gave up and started packing up her reporting equipment, while I kept an eye on the bug. Once Agent M left the reporting area, the bug followed the wall to my cube. I sprung into action and crushed the little centipede that had caused such a commotion.

Once Agent M returned to the reporting area for the rest of her equipment, I relayed the announcement of a successful kill and we got back to the business at hand. Reports.

In my time working with my agency and specifically in my office, I have learned to kill the offending bug quickly and on sight. Do not give it time to run into a hiding spot or toward the alarmed female Agent. Thereby, letting the situation go from bad to worse.

If you work in a high Creepy Crawly environment with high strung, armed, women (or men) who are Entomophobic (very, very afraid of Insects and other Creepy Crawlies) and there is a commotion about a Creepy Crawly, just kill it.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose.