The Gunslinger vs. The "Bug"

For the past two days I have been battling some form of an Ailment that I have never seen before. Luckily it is easily treated. However, this is not my first bout with this "Bug."

The first time occurred some time in early March, I believe it to be March 8th. It was 2000 hrs and I noticed that my joints started aching. Normally, this would not be that strange, if I was older. Or, if it was not every single joint below my heart. I dismissed it as the joints stiffening after a different type of workout.

After about half an hour I noticed that the pain was steadily becoming more...noticeable. Then the headache started. This I just dismissed as a caffeine detox from not having any kind of carbonated drinks that day.

As the night wore on the joint pain went from slight ache to red hot pokers jabbed into every joint below the chest. I was completely unaware of how many joints I had below the heart. Now I know.

I am not much for taking any sorts of medicine unless it is absolutely necessary. In this case I decided it was time for an exception and began searching the house for some Advil, Tylenol, Aleve, anything to stop the pain.

Not one single pill in the entire house. What a time not to have a wife, she would have made sure that kind of thing was kept in stock. However, due to the fact that it was now late in the evening, I decided that it would have to wait until later.

With the "Bug" in full swing, I slept through the first couple of Snoozes. When I finally reached consciousness it was 0630. So much for the morning routine.

I zipped through the morning routine in double time fashion and headed off for work. Yeah you heard true, work. Actually, I had to make a quick pit stop first at the car shop to drop off my car and meet Casey.

This was the 3rd or 4th time my car had been to the car shop for different things. Let us just say that it was a necessary thing that needed doing and would take all day, therefore I might as well go to work. Yet, another good reason to have a wife around.

Once the car was dropped off, Casey pulled up and told me of his wonderful night. That was the night that his daughter nearly plucked out his right eye. On the way to the office I told him about my night. Once there it was business as usual, except for the pain.

As the day wore on the "Bug" decided it would try something different. Now, it added hot to cold flashes and the pain would come in waves. The pain in my joints would go from red hot pokers to flaming hot poker of Death, then back again. After a while I just forgot about the headache.

To limit any possible infections to my fellow co-workers and in particular Agent S (who was still expecting at this time) I stayed to myself. Which apparently in in of itself raised suspicion. All through the day everyone was asking if I was okay, to which I gave the obligatory, "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little busy." Which they understood.

That is until about 1500 hours. Agent S came to me (one of the last male Agents in our office) to arrest a mail offender for her. I thought it over and told her that I did not believe it to be a good Idea, again not normal behavior. She asked me why and I was about to answer, when a wave of flaming hot pokers of Death hit. It apparently showed on my face. She then asked if I was okay to which I could only reply no. Once the pain subsided to what had become normal I explained what was going on.

She then went and told everyone else in the office and by the time everyone came to check on me, I was dying of Swine Flu. Funny how even among Law Enforcement details get distorted.

After a very long question and answer series about the illness and why I was at work, the session was ended by Work Mom, who simply stated, "If I get sick, I will shoot you." I thanked everyone for their concern and they went about the business of arresting the Offender.

At around 1650 hrs I received notification that my car was ready to be picked up. Casey dropped me off at the car shop and I promptly drove home. On the way, I called my Mother and told her what was going on and what I should do. She told me to pick up a pack of Advil Liqui-gels and a pack of Mucinex-DM.

Once home I took the "prescibed" medicine and waited. About two hours later I noticed an odd sensation. I felt as though the finger of God was sliding down my back cooling (and removing) the pokers.

This apparently torked the "Bug" off and he switched to a different Modus Operandi all together. About an hour later my left eye began to itch like crazy. Thinking nothing of it, I did my best to relieve the itch. That is until I noticed that I was becoming increasingly difficult to reopen each time it closed. I hopped up and went to the nearest mirror.

To my horror, my eye had swollen to the size of a golf ball. I immediately iced it down and called my mother and chalked it up to an allergic reaction to the Mucinex (the only one of the two drugs I had never taken before). After a while my eye returned to a normal-ish size and life returned to normal. I continued taking the Advil doses for a couple of days just to make sure the "Bug" did not come back.

I did not have any more problems with the "Bug" until this past Friday night. The "Bug" apparently did not take to kindly to being whooped. This time he brought a friend. Pollen Allergy. With my sinuses acting up it was hard to discern the headache from the sinus pain. But once the joint stuff started up, I immediately took a dose of Advil. Same all most immediate response. Except this time my right eye swole up. Thankfully I had an entire weekend to get over this thing because I needed it. I do not think I have ever slept so much in my life.

Anyway, it is now Sunday night and as far as I can tell the "Bug" is gone, at least for now. The symptoms are as follows: Severe pain in lower joints, mild headache, mild fever and slight chills late in the onset, the swollen eye thing could be the "Bug" reacting to the Advil Liqui-gels, I am not sure. But, if anyone out there has experienced this or is an actual Doctor with knowledge in how for me not to go through this crap again, please let me know. Thank you.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose