Invasion

Anyone who has read this blog about a year ago has seen this issue come up before. The issue, Creepy Crawlies and Female Agents who do not like them.

As of late our Government building has been inundated with a not so small arthropod called the millipede. Given the alternative I would rather have the millipede than his not so friendly cousin the centipede. Since, centipedes are carnivorous and (depending on the species) can have a nasty bite. The millipede on the other hand is herbivorous and would like nothing more than to be left alone.

So far this week, I know I have come running to the sound of shrieks, squeals, and the caterwaul of my name, at least two to three times a day, because of this "bug".

At first I thought it was funny and tried to simple explain that it is not dangerous or gross unless you scare them (some species have a...smelly defense), therefore unnecessary to squeal or scream. This done while wrangling the little fellow into an empty trash can and whisking him away to the outside world.

However, I soon realized that the speeches were not doing any good, when I found one of the Female Agents in question, crouching in her $300 office chair. The offending millipede was taken out on one of the files that the Female Agent had thrown at him.

In another instance, I was taking reports when I heard my named bellowed by Agent M (who never bellows). I ran out of the reporting area to where she was and for my trouble was met with laughter. "Wow, I didn't expect you to come running" was her explanation. I then asked what the issue was and she pointed at the wall behind me. At first I did not see anything until a speck moved.

It was in fact a 1/4 inch cockroach. I grabbed a nearby magazine and smote it. I apparently hit the little guy with more force than I needed to, since his insides (and the ink from the cover of the magazine) are now permanently emblazoned on the wall. A few seconds later Casey came rushing around the corner, having mistaken the loud Whap for something more sinister.

Finally, there was also another incident involving George the cockroach. Unfortunately, for George I was out on Home Visits with Casey at the time. According to Work Mom (and everyone else in the reporting area) she was taking a report, when out of nowhere George appears on her desk. Work Mom (and the offender) freaked out and began screaming.

Agent W, who has a clear line of sight from her report day cube to that of Work Mom, rushed over and saw George and also freaked. However, Agent W is not exactly like the other women in the office. While the other women were freaking out, Agent W went and got a broom several rooms away and went back.

The ensuing battle was apparently epic, resulting in a victorious Agent W, a destroyed broom, and the death of George. Agent W later told me after everyone left, "I broke the F%&#er in six pieces and he was still crawin' away! But, I got'em!" I then recounted my previous experience with George and she said, "Well F%&#! If you had takin' care of business then, we wouldn't have had to deal this S%&# today! What the F%&# is the matter with you?!" She then stomped away.

Moving from work to home, my attic has apparently been invaded by an unknown rodent. Having been woken last night to a scratching noise that I later found to be coming from the attic door in the ceiling. Having just finished watching Signs by M. Night Shyamalan a few hours earlier and being half asleep, I was not taking any chances. I grabbed my Glock and sprang from my bed. It was easy to find where the noise was coming from since the house cats were all in the hallway staring intently at the attic door.

After clearing the rest of the house (keeping an eye on the attic door) I cleared the attic. However, there is so much stuff up there, that a family of raccoons could be up there and I would not know it. I guess I will have to procure and or build some traps to capture these interlopers.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose