Chuckles

It has been long in coming, but I have finally found something worth writing about that does not involve gripping about work.

I am not sure what is going on with the local population of offenders, but they have apparently all gathered together and decided to get arrested for as much as possible as of late. The past week has been spent either sitting in my Supervisors office writing warrants or in the local Jail serving them.

One particular incident involves an Offender that Casey once supervised. Casey even wrote a post about this offender, Chuckles, in Once you're hooked, you're hooked. I was approached several days ago about this case, by the now Supervising Agent and agreed to help take him back to Jail. I was then reminded of this promise when the fateful time came when Chuckles arrived today.

Chuckles went into the handcuffs easily enough and we went through the routine of searching and reading the violations without issue. It was not until we sat him in the car that he decided that he was done being good. Agent S was about to put the seat belt on Chuckles when he said, "You ain't puttin' no Seat belt on me." There was no argument from either Agent S or myself.

Agent S, who has more years in Law Enforcement than I have been on Earth, closed the door and told me to give him my gun. I begrudgingly did so and he told me that I would be riding in the back seat with Chuckles. I slid into the backseat and belted myself in before buckling Chuckles in. Chuckles promptly unbuckled himself and I promptly rebuckled him before the buckle left the catch fully (try saying that five times fast). Chuckles got the idea the seat belt was going to stay on for the duration of the trip.

However, a few minutes later, Chuckles decided to go into a tirade about the evils of the United States Criminal Justice System and the South Carolina System in particular. The tirade included all the usual material, The purpose of our Agency is only to milk money out of the unjustly convicted, how Criminals are allowed to roam the streets while he is arrested on money violations (despite the fact that warrant was two pages long for new convictions), etcetera, etcetera. Agent S and myself, being horribly sarcastic, nodded in all the right places and agreed at the end of every sentence.

Once at the Jail, Chuckles was fine all the way through the first door of the Sally port. However, as the door was beginning to close, Chuckles made a move toward the exit. Agent S grabbed a hold of his arms and turned him back in the direction we were supposed to go.

This set Chuckles off into a new tirade of the usual fighting mantra, "Don't touch me!" "Take these cuffs off and I'll kick your @#%" etcetera, etcetera. Still, Agent S and I did not say a word. Agent S escorted Chuckles to a holding cell that was unoccupied, while I opened the door. Chuckles went in, and the door was closed just as Chuckles turned and slammed himself into the now locked door. Chuckles then began yelling insults and curses culminating in kicking the Steel door 15 to 20 times as hard as he could.

While Agent S completed the booking paperwork, I went to the Booking Officers and advised that we had an offender that would likely fight once uncuffed. To be honest I have never seen these Officers work with such efficiency. Since, Chuckles was kicking the door hard enough to be heard throughout the entire building, they were already set to go.

As we were heading back to the holding cells I saw that chuckles was nose to glass at a local Police Officer who was standing by to help. This Police Officer, who had already placed his prisoner in Jail custody and was on his way out, stopped to give Chuckles a little wisdom, "You need to calm down or they're goin' to &^%# you up." Which of course sent Chuckles into another tirade.

I stopped in front of the cell door with the Police Officer, Agent S, and four large booking officers at my back. With Chuckles still yelling, I said calmly, "This is how this is gonna go." Chuckles ended his rant and listened for a change. "If you're calm and don't try to fight in any way, these gentlemen behind me are going to do the regular booking proceedure without any undue fuss. But, if you start fighting or cursing or are unruly in any way, this is goin' to go sideways for you in a hurry...Cool?"

Without a seconds pause he responded, "I'm not afraid of being $^%#ed up! And I don't appreciate this guy," pointing at the Police Officer, "saying that I should be!" I interrupted with, "Hey, that's not being cool and will send this thing sideways!"

Chuckles stopped and actually thought for a second or two before responding, "Okay, I'll be cool. I'm Cool." I then stepped out of the way as the Booking Officers opened the door. Chuckles stepped out and the Booking Officers escorted him the rest of the way into the Jail and booked in without further incident.

I figured at that point our adventures with Chuckles would be over for a while, but a couple of hours later, the Agent in charge of Chuckles came and got Agent S and I. The local Magistrate had apparently called to inform her of what happened at the bond hearing.

Even though we are on fairly good terms with most of the Local Magistrates, we hardly ever hear from them unless we do something wrong with the paperwork. This Magistrate, I will call Magistrate H, is in my opinion one of the best in this Jurisdiction. He is always calm, cool, collected, and best of all...Fair, with even the most hardened criminal. He does not take sides and always decides on a fair bond based on the violations, likely hood of fleeing from court, and danger to the community.

Anyway Magistrate H, called to advise that Chuckles had earned himself a temporary No Bond due to receiving a 15 day contempt of Court charge. Temporary, due to the fact that unlike most of the Magistrates that I know, who would leave it at No Bond and let a Circuit Court Judge hash out bond reduction in a month or two. Magistrate H, wanted to revisit the Bond issue after Chuckles has had 15 days to cool off.

So, I guess I will be revisiting this issue in 15 days or so. Hopefully this will the maximum limit of excitement for while.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose