Back to Basics

Late this afternoon I had a quick, yet thought provoking, conversation with one of the Interns at work. About an hour before we are slated to go home for the weekend the Information Technology people flood our office with brand spanking new laptops. With an IT guy sitting in my work space, I had nothing better to do than walk about the office, poking my nose in everyone else's business.

As I was making my rounds, I happened to see one of the Interns sitting at a desk looking at a 3" three ring binder full of papers. I asked her what she was reading, thinking that mayhap she had found a long lost treasure of a long gone Agent. The intern tipped the cover up, still reading the page, and I see that it was a training manual.

I asked her if she found it interesting. She looked up and stated simply that it was slow. It is a training manual, not Stephen King. I then decided to pry further and asked her how far she had gotten. She said that she was reading several scenarios. Upon hearing this, I could not help but laugh as memories flooded my mind.

My second semester in the local community college, I was taking some Criminal Justice class with an instructor, whom I would have many classes with in the years to come. In this particular class, one of the required books to read was Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins. From what I remember the book basically tried to teach people how to use their most powerful weapons, their Mind and their Mouth.

Later, when I went to the South Carolina Criminal Justice Academy, the book came up again. It was not required reading, but the basics of the book where discussed in class. Both times I wanted to soak up every word. I wanted to have the ability to bring stability to an unstable situation without having to resort to violence.

As I moved into my career, I found that the lessons learned from Verbal Judo were sound in theory. However, when attempting to implement these lessons, I found, in an unstable situation tended to present weakness. Weakness that the predators in my neck of the woods smelled from a league away. Who knows, mayhap I just was not and still am not doing it correctly.

As the world moved on, I began employment at my current Agency and went through training. I read the obligatory Training Manual and the same scenarios that the Intern was reading before I interrupted. If memory serves, there are two or three different scenarios. Each begins with a wrong way to handle a situation (becoming angry, snapping, cursing, etc.) and a right way to handle it (being calm, empathetic, nice, etc.). Implementing the Art of Verbal Judo.

After my laughing fit, I asked her what she thought about the depicted scenes. She said that she had seen many of the first part of the scenes in our office. Another fit of laughter. I asked her why she thought this was, everyone in the office has read the same scenarios, and apparently do not employ the teachings. She could not answer. I said simply that it does not work. The people we deal with confuse empathy with sympathy. Sympathy is weakness and weakness is to be exploited.

I left her to finish her reading and continued to ponder the conversation. I thought about many of the situations that I have been in as a Deputy and as an Agent. I can only think of one that was defused with Verbal Judo. It was actually before my career even started, while I was in College.

I was a Reserve Deputy (think of it as a ride along with a gun and badge), and we were called out to a Domestic dispute. The female victim allowed us to enter the house and we started taking with her. She stated that her husband had been verbally and physically abusive when she called us. I went to the husband and got his name and information. A few seconds later the other Deputy came into the room and pulled out his handcuffs. The husband jumped back to the far wall, took up a fighting stance, and began yelling at the top of his lungs.

His basic complaint was that we had not gotten his side of the story and we were going to take him to jail anyway. The deputy immediately began issuing commands, which went unfollowed, as the husband continued to scream about how we had not gotten his side of the story. Our batons out and ready to strike, something finally clicked in my head. All he wanted was someone to listen to his side. After finally gaining his attention I asked him for his side of the story. As he started relaying his side, he began to lower his voice and his defensive stance. Once his story was told, he went to jail, but without a fight.

Thinking about it now I realize that I had used the most basic principal of Verbal Judo. Empathy. Mayhap, as the world moved on and I became more and more jaded in this world, I lost sight of principals learned. Or, mayhap I learned that empathy and being nice will only get you so far, and the way to go, was to be nice only when others allow.

Semper Fi Deus

Goose